Valentines Three
by whitem
Summary: Three men are vying for Shego's affections... Or is it four? Not your normal V-Day fic, but I hope it's a fun read anyway... My entry into MrDrP's contest...One-shot...


Leave it to me to come up with something a bit different… again…

Disclaimer: The characters involved in this? Yeah… Once again, not mine…

Valentines Three

As Steven Barkin drove his green SUV along a bumpy stretch of a deserted dirt road, a thought flashed in his mind. "What if I get stuck out here?"

But his thought was fleeting when once again the vision of loveliness filled his thoughts, and it reminded him of where he was going. He had planned on getting to her place before dark, but that didn't happen as he had gotten lost about 3 times. After his third wrong turn, Steven sighed and flipped on his GPS. He really hated high tech… ever since that fiasco with the Smarty Marts Stock Bots.

The screen displayed the road he was on, and a small green dot was showing him exactly where he was. "Good…" He breathed out as the unit was telling him the place was just 2 miles further. He should be able to see the lights of his destination after the next turn.

Sure enough, he saw bright lights at least a couple hundred feet in the air atop great spires that adorned the outer facade of the building that was literally constructed as part of the mountain. He looked down at the small screen mounted on his dash and idly thought to him self that maybe high technology wasn't so bad.

He pulled up to the portecochere, and just after he turned off the engine, Steven heard a loud thump…thump…thump. Then he saw the bright search light of a small helicopter, "Sounds like a Bell 430." He muttered. "Twin engine too…"

He stepped out of the vehicle carrying two gifts he wanted to present to the one he wanted to woo tonight.

…x x x x…

Martin Smarty, a man of wealth and power, glided effortlessly through the night sky inside his posh Bell 430 Helicopter. It had been set up with all the amenities of home, and then some. Yeah he had paid a small fortune for it, but this was one of the reasons why he _had_ a big fortune. So he could buy these "little" extravagancies.

The pilot that flew this wonderful machine was his all-around chauffeur, and was able to drive, fly, and pilot any and all of Mr. Smarty's types of transportation that he owned.

When the multi-billionaire saw the lights of his destination, his smile grew three times bigger, as he couldn't wait to spring this surprise on the woman he had been vying for the attention of. He was sure she couldn't say "No" to the night he had planned.

…x x x x…

"Motor" Ed Lipsky. Rebel, rabble-rouser, and rock and roller, cruised effortlessly atop his custom made motorcycle on the black top that entered behind his cousins current home. Only a handful of people knew of this road, and he was one of them. There was no way he was going to take his baby on a rough gravel road, and risk any damage to his pride an joy.

He too sported a large grin as this was indeed the evening of Valentines day, and he was positive that the woman he was about to surprise would latch onto him like there was no tomorrow. They would then literally take the town on like a storm.

He slowed the bike and curved around the East end of the building that jutted out from the side of the mountain. The front door was only a few hundred yards away and a few more turns. He couldn't hold in his excitement at the prospect of his date any longer, and let loose his signature howl while gunning the large bore engine "Yaaaaaah! Yaaah! Yaaah! Yaaah! Yaaah! Yaaah!"

He rounded the last corner and saw a mid-sized SUV parked under the front canopy, and the slowly spinning blades of a helicopter that had apparently just landed only a few moments ago further out on the large, flat, front parking area.

After parking and getting off his motorcycle, Motor Ed reached into one of the side-bags, and pulled out a small package. Then he quickly checked an inside pocket of his leather jacket to make sure his "Coup de Gras" was still present.

With a bit of a scowl on his face, The mullet haired, self professed mechanical master-mind walked up to the front door at the same time as the other two men who also had just arrived.

All three looked at each other, wondering who the other was. After all, none of the three had ever met before, but for some reason all of them had arrived at the same place, at the same time, and each of them carrying gifts that left no doubt they were there to see a woman.

…x x x x…

Martin, Ed, and Steven all eyed each other suspiciously, and all three reached out to press the door bell at the same, but stopped their reaches just before their fingers made contact with each other. Three sets of eyes then narrowed dangerously at each other, and each of them in turn tried to reach out faster than the other… only to repeat their previous actions.

It was the individual named Steven Barkin that took the initiative to knock on the door before anyone else could react. When the door wasn't opened right away, the other two quickly reached out and also rapped on the door with their knuckles.

As the door began to swing open, a voice was heard grumbling "This better not be those darned Pixie Scouts again…"

When the door finally opened, there stood a blue skinned man that neither of the three who stood there recognized. Now there were four sets of narrowed eyes as each of the men took stock in who appeared to be their competition for the beautiful woman who resided in the domicile that they all stood in the doorway of.

Just as the blue skinned man opened his mouth to tell all three to take a hike, a voice echoed from inside. "Drakken? Who is it?" The voice became louder, telling all four men that the object of their affections was getting closer. "I thought I told you to get rid of whoever… was… here?"

Shego arrived at the front door just in time to see all four men glaring at each other as if they were all involved in a very strange variant of the old childhood game, Stare-Down.

"What the…" She started to say. "Stevie? Martin? Eddy? Drakken? What are all of you doing here? Drakken, I know you're here because you live here, but what are the rest of you doing here?"

All three men started to talk at once, and all Shego could really discern from the cacophony of voices was that each of them was there for a date with her. Drakken's voice could be heard trying to tell the other three to leave, and leave now.

Covering her ears with her hands, Shego raised her voice enough to be heard above the din. "Everybody SHUT UP!"

Four mouths snapped shut with audible clicks and Shego spoke again. "All of you… inside… NOW!" She pointed inside, accenting her last word.

..x x x x…

All three gentlemen stood in a row in front of Shego, each of them holding the gifts they had brought. Being in the TV room, Drakken had opted to sit down while Shego… did her thing… and watched with mild interest.

Walking back and forth in front of the three like a drill sergeant addressing her troops, Shego spoke.

"So am I to believe that all three of you arrived at the same time to… ask me out?" She stopped in front of Eddie.

"Ummm… Seriously?" Motor Ed replied with a grin.

Then she stepped in front of Mr. Barkin. "Yes Ma'am!" He barked while standing at attention. He then tried to look into Shego's eyes, but the green vixen didn't return the look.

Then she stopped in front of Martin Smarty. "You never called me." He replied. "I just thought I would come over and present you with…"

"Enough…" Shego quickly said, cutting off the multi-billionaire.

Walking back and forth in front of the three once again, Shego looked to be deep in thought. "What to do… what to do." She mumbled, and then suddenly stopped. "I've got it!" All three men looked at her expectantly, and Drakken also seemed to sit up a bit, also wanting to hear what his sidekick had to say.

"I want to hear each of your proposals for your date this evening." She looked up at the clock on the wall. "It's not quite 8:00, and this shouldn't last too long, so we should still have time for an evening of fun… That is, if I choose."

"What do you mean… choose?" Motor Ed replied

Shego explained. "After I hear each of your date proposals, I'll decide which of you I will let take me on a their date. Fair enough?"

"Indeed." Martin replied.

"Awesome!" Was Motor Ed's response.

"I'm up for the challenge." Mr. Barkin said.

"Now… as for who will be first… Let's see…" Shego brought a hand to her chin, once again thinking. "Aha! I've got it…" She left the room, went to the kitchen, and came back with three butter knives.

Holding them up in one fist, each one sticking out different distances, she charged a single finger in the other hand, and easily cut off the ends so they were even. A sharp gasp was heard from Drakken.

"Shego! That was our good silver ware!" Her green eyes narrowed dangerously at Drakken, telling him to shut up without saying a word.

"Now… Each of you take a knife, and the person with the longest will go first, and the one with the shortest, last. Agreed?"

"Agreed." All three said in unison, and Shego held her hand in front of each of her suitors, and each one took a shortened knife. The order went Motor Ed, Steven Barkin, then Martin Smarty.

"Motor Ed, you're first. You other two can sit down on the couch." The other two obediently sat down, and Motor Ed grinned triumphantly.

"Yaaahhh… Haaa!" He said performing an air guitar.

Shego just looked at him and raised her eyebrow. "Well…?

"Oh, yeah… right." The mullet haired man said, and then continued with his proposal. "First, I would hand you these chocolates…" He held out a box of candies that had brandy soaked cherries inside.

"Ooh… I like these." Shego said taking the box, opening it, and popping one in her mouth. "Continue…"

Motor Ed then reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out two tickets. "Then we would jump on my badical bike, and I would take you here." He handed the tickets to Shego, and her eyes went wide at seeing what the tickets were for. "Yeah… Heh… I was able to get tickets to see Metal Mayhem in Middleton, starring Izzy Izborne. It's the hottest concert going on right now. After that I figured we could hit a bar or something, have a few drinks…" He finished by giving Shego a wink.

"Not bad…" The green woman replied, "But I'm not so sure about that 'something' you seem to be suggesting. I have been wanting to see that concert though… Stevie? You're next."

Steve Barkin stood and opened the long box he was carrying. "First, let me present you with these…" He presented the open box, and lying inside was 2 dozen long-stemmed roses. 12 of them black, and twelve of them green.

Shego gasped. "They're… beautiful…" She took the box and cradled it in her arms like a child. She smelled the fragrance of the roses, and gently fingered one of the petals. "Wherever did you find green and black roses?"

"Special order, Ma'am." Was his quick response.

"What else ya got?"

"I have reservations for two at Chez Couteau II, in Upperton." Shego's eyebrow rose. This was purported to be even nicer, and more expensive than the first Chez Couteau in Middleton. Steve then picked up the second box off the floor, opened it, and proudly presented to Shego what looked like a very expensive bottle of champagne.

"Then I thought we could take a tour of Upperton's Central Park in a horse drawn carriage with this bottle of champagne." He grinned shyly as Shego ran a finger on the bottle, noting it was one of the more expensive bottles… and quite good. She had had it only once before.

"Very nice Stevie. Sounds like a nice evening you have planned." She ran a finger across his square jaw, eliciting a blush on the normally gruff man's face. "OK… last, but not least, Mr. Martin Smarty."

Steve Barkin sat down as Martin stood. The first words out of his mouth was a question. "Do you mind if I make a quick call first?" Shego raised an eyebrow, and just nodded, wondering what he was up to. "Bring it in." Was all he said, and snapped the phone shut.

Suddenly the front door of the lair banged open, and in walked about 10 different people, each of them carrying very large bouquets of potted Hydrangeas. "I remember you saying they were your favorite."

Shego actually blushed a bit as she remembered when she had said that to him, while trying to distract him with a blond wig. Martin then continued as Shego pulled a flower from one of the plants.

"Then I thought I would whisk you off to Las Vegas, where I would treat you to an extravagant night of dining and dancing in the Hotel/Casino that I own. If I remember right, there are many celebrities, including MC Honey and someone called… Diggity Z? I think?" Shego nodded, as the two musicians were some of her favorites. "Then if there is still time at the end of the night, I thought I would take you to one of my tropical islands and we could take a midnight stroll on a very secluded beach. Believe me… it's quite lovely."

"Wow…" Shego responded. "That does sound nice. No little rug-rat to tag along?" She asked.

"Arty would be staying at home for the entire time with my butlers and maids. After all… it's a school night for him."

"Hmmm…" Shego said. "All three offers are veeerrry tempting, but I need to make a choice." The green woman walked back and forth in front of her three suitors once again as they sat on the couch watching her expectantly. All while Drakken watched the scene quite intently.

"I've decided… None of you!" All three men's eyes widened in shock at her declaration. "That's right… I don't want to go out with ANY of you! Valentines Day is just a schmuck holiday that the greeting card and candy companies use to get the average consumer to buy their products to increase their bottom line. Now get out!"

A flaming hand pointing towards the door accentuated her desires, and all three men fled the lair before Shego turned her wrath directly on them. After all three left, Shego slumped into the large easy chair in the TV room, and huffed.

"Men… They all think they can buy their way into my heart." An almost disgusting sound came from her throat. "As if I _had_ a heart."

"Now Shego…" She heard Drakken's voice behind her. "I know where your heart truly lies."

Hearing something sliding over the back of her chair, Shego turned and saw a small flower peeking over the top. She still wasn't sure what kind it was, whether it was a pansy, or a marigold. Smiling, she reached up and cupped the small flower in her hand, knowing that Drakken was really the only man who really understood her heart, wherever it resided.

The end…

* * *

Told ya isn't wasn't going to be a normal Valentine's fic…

It wasn't really a fluffy fic, but I hope y'all liked it…


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